Audition Monologues by The Monologue Project

A STAGGERING DANCER

"A staggering dancer" is not quite the review you'd hope for.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

A WITH NO E

The perfect EA still makes a daily coffee for an executive who's no longer with the company.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ABLEIST PIG

You gotta be careful what you say these days. You never know when you might cause offense

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

ACCIDENTAL JOHN

John Smith goes to the dentist. Or does he?

COMEDY | MALE

ACCLIMATISATION

Emotions are like the weather. If you're cold, a small drop in temperature has a huge effect. But can you build resilience?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ANTICIPATION

The anticipation of your Hibiki Harmony 30th anniversary limited edition whiskey might be better than the drink itself.

COMEDY/DRAMA | FEMALE

AS GOOD AS A HOLIDAY

It’s not OCD, I just like things in a specific way and deviations are like an itch inside my brain which gets worse and worse.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

ASKING FOR HER HAND

A lesbian asks a conservative father for his daughter's hand in marriage.

DRAMA | FEMALE

BABY FEET

Small feet, small… you know. That's what they keep saying to him, anyway.

COMEDY | MALE

BABY HANDS

When your hands are so small you can model kids' toys for K-Mart, don't expect to attract anyone but creeps.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BAD TIMING

The best time to bash someone to death is when you're neighbour is screaming, "I'll kill you!" at a wasp.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BAND CAMP

Your plan to get Jasper Whitehorse's daughter to do your flute lessons worked! Now, don't fangirl too hard.

DRAMA | MALE

BIG SCORE

How guilty would you feel if you sold 450 identical pairs of shoes to a suicide cult?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

BILLY DOESN'T LIKE YOU

Breaking up your child's friendship because you really can't stand the kid's mother.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

BITE YOUR TOUNGE

A foul-mouthed child, a passerby who won't have a bar of it.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BLANK

A sufferer of chronic fatigue syndrome describes how life goes by without them.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

BRIDEZILLA

A bride plans her perfect day. Everything is coming along, though one important thing is still missing.

COMEDY | FEMALE

CAFE FENG SHUI

When a guy starts coming to the café you love with his stupid leather jacket and his stupid thermos.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

CAN'T BITE BACK

How do you fight back when you're bullied online?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CANCEROUS BREAKUP

Are you a monster if you broke up with your girlfriend because she got cancer? Yes, yes you are.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

CHANGE BLINDNESS

If something falls apart slowly over time, you don't notice it. It could be your kitchen bench, or your husband.

DRAMA | FEMALE

CHOICE PARALYSIS

Every choice you make leaves an infinite number of unmade choices dying in the dust.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CITIZEN'S ARREST

Could you stand by if a crime were committed? A crime as grave as… spitting one's gum on the ground?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CLEARLY AN ACCIDENT

A duck hunter kills a protestor. "Clearly an accident," says the magistrate.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

CLICK TO KILL

When your homophobic high school friend clicks his fingers and gets hit by a bus…

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

COURTESY SEAT

A pregnant lady, elderly person, disabled person and injured person all fight for the courtesy seat.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

COWARD

A socially awkward woman in the park, a shady man, playing children and a coward.

DRAMA | FEMALE

CUSTOMS INTERROGATION

An 80-year-old lady is stopped at an airport and her daughter gives the customs officers a piece of her mind.

DRAMA | FEMALE

CUT

Nothing's worse than when your scene ends up on the cutting room floor. Especially when you did… you know…

COMEDY | FEMALE

DECOY WIFE

If you're going to kidnap and ransom out the boss's wife, you'd better make sure she's the right person.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

DODGE THE BULLET

Would you fake a heart attack to cover a fart?

COMEDY | MALE

DON'T PAT MY DOG

Johnny gets jealous when his dog shows affection to a friend.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

DONUT TESTER

After failing a job interview, a fake donut tester gets serious about the artform.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

DREAM HOLIDAY

A holiday to a small town where someone's mother went missing 20 years ago.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

DROPPED COMMITMENT

The consequences of a dropped commitment are real and raw.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

EDUCATION

Some people need an education. Sometimes it's a tap about the noggin.

DRAMA | MALE

ENDZONED

Being friendzoned sucks. But being endzoned - that's something else indeed.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

EVERYONE OWNS A TELEPORTER IN THE FUTURE

You arrive in present times from the future but your teleporter has run out of battery. Would anyone believe you?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

EVERYTHING I EVER DID WAS FOR YOU

Your mum calls you and says "everything I ever did was for you", "I love you" and "goodbye". What's about to happen?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

EX SEX DOLL

Imagine coming home to find your husband having sex with a blow up doll with his ex's face taped to it.

COMEDY | FEMALE

EXPOSURE THERAPY

If you face your fears a little bit at a time, you'll get used to them… until your fears start moving in front of you.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

FAIR PARANOIA

A known murderer grows increasingly paranoid as an army of untrained intelligence officers perform surveillance on him.

DRAMA | MALE

FAMILIAR EYES

Would you let an innocent person have their organs harvested to save your child's life?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

FOR THE EXERCISE

The best and worst things about being a prostitute.

COMEDY/DRAMA | FEMALE

FORCED FAILS

Have you noticed how people always laugh when they hurt themselves in fail videos? Is this a new way to spread joy?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

FUCK BITES

Kellogg's cornflakes were designed to suppress your sexual appetite. Where's the cereal that increases it?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

GAINS

I have to keep going. I have to be stronger. I have to gain, because I don’t know what will be thrown my way.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GAY BY ELIMINATION

Just because you're dating another man, doesn't mean you're gay.

COMEDY | MALE

GENIUS

Am I a genius? I'd sound like a wanker if I said "yes", wouldn't I?

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

GETTING IN FIRST

If you found out your husband was going to have an affair, wouldn't you want to get in first?

DRAMA | FEMALE

GETTING OUT OF THE WAR

You hate the invaders, but you're a coward. Can acting crazy get you out of the war you don't want to die in?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GLOBOPHOBIA

A paralysing fear of balloons and a child in great danger.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GOD'S ERROR

Is praying telling God he got it wrong?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GUIDE POOCH

Best café in the world. Bad coffee, but loads of doggos. But what happens when a guide dog comes by?

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

GUILTY, NOT GUILTY

Too guilty to sell that fancy watch you found for a profit? Maybe the next guy won't have the same reservations.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

HAGGLING

How perverse it is to haggle with someone in a third world country when your ten cents is worth ten dollars to them.

DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

HANGRY

Happiness makes you angry. Anger makes you sad. Sadness gives you perspective - you have a lot to be happy about.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

HEALTHY HABITS

A health freak with a dirty habit.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE

HIT MY KID

A neighbourhood kid kills a man's dog and comes around with his dad to admit his wrongdoing. Violence ensues.

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE

HOSPITALITY WITHOUT CONSENT

Accused of a horrible crime when all he did was insist she come in for a meal…

DRAMA | MALE

HOW WAS YOUR MEAL?

A very honest response to a waiter asking "How was your meal?" Maybe a little too honest.

COMEDY | MALE/FEMALE

I CAME HOME AND DISCOVERED MY BOYFRIEND HAS A MULLET

Would you do it? If you came home and your boyfriend had a mullet? Would YOU do it too?

COMEDY/DRAMA | MALE/FEMALE